


Taken Out By Way Of the Flying Phallus

by SarahZorEL



Series: Kara Zor El's Ride Over To The Wild Side [8]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Aliens, Anal Play, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkward meetings and revelations, Bedtime, Christmas Presents, Crack, Donald Duck - Freeform, Exploration, F/F, For the bants, Funny, Hashtag The Talk, Hog roast Kara and drizzle her in cheese, I Don't Even Know, Innuendo, Kara slick with melted butter, Kara's Innocent no more, Kara's a poppin', Kryptonian Fritter, Lee's a weirdo but we love her, Luthor Brilliance, Melissa likes interior design so sue me, New Accessories, Of Suction Cups and Nosy Neighbors, Original Character(s), Pre-Relationship, Prudish Kryptonian, Sarcasm, Sassy, Sex Shop, Sex Toys, Sexual Humor, Smut, Snake.. the cellphone game, Soz, Still don't know what I'm doing, SuperCorp, Texting, The Queen likes her Penis Classy, Weirdness, What am I doing, chuckle brothers reference, gobble gobble, human sexuality, i may offend you, peaches and cream, poo - Freeform, pop tarts, references to exorcism, the legend that is Crystal, wacky scenarios
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-03-14 22:26:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13599711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahZorEL/pseuds/SarahZorEL
Summary: Curious to explore more of her emerging Human Sexuality, Kara gets caught up in a rather sticky situation at her local Sex Shop....





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

 

Kara was adamant that this was the most mortifying night of her life and perhaps her Supergirl career thus far. Crumpled in the corner.. atop broken wooden shelving, layered in a dusty red veneer lay a battle worn superhero avalanched by what a Kryptonian may call copious amounts of human pleasure receptacles. _That_ along with a pink neon sign had set a fairly ominous and provocative tone to a once mundane and dank evening.

Upon reflection Kara knew that there was little opportunity she would ever get to live this down… even during her long and immortal lifetime. Having already pictured the lewd headlines in all their fervour…

‘ _Girl of Steel beaten by her own Sex Toys’_

‘ _Sex Shop Exclusive: Employee comes forward after witnessing Supergirl's takedown by flying vibrator’_

_‘Supergirl's sordid dealings with underground sex dungeon revealed’_

_‘Tragic life of a lonely Kryptonian, details inside’_

Kara couldn't quite believe she'd been ruined by her own sexual desire… _that's what I get for attempting to engage in human sexuality._

 _Horrifying_ humiliation aside Kara was still recovering from the fact she actually had to duel someone by way of a two-way dildo, whipping it around their neck in a type of choke hold. In lieu of a weapon they'd proceeded to cross swords quite literally, rubber flapping in the wind as she was **victimised** by flinging butt plugs. Criminals don't seem to understand that there's not much in the way of Earthly elements that'll penetrate Kryptonian skin, even if they **do** happen to throw things at her. At first she'd assumed somewhat that they were just  _a little dim_ but now she's having second thoughts due to the intrinsic factor that Kara swears it might've actually worked.

Not in the literal sense of course _but_ …she's now convinced there may have been some actual mastery to their elicit and dubious plans because a flustered superhero is a messy superhero and that only leads to an inevitable downward trajectory for her. Post Script:  _the absolute villainy_.

Flailing limbs, frantic and freaking out by way of phallus she was distracted enough to miss the goddamn GIANT alien weaponry they seemingly hid inside their underwear. Forgetting she had access to powers at all, she took a hit to the chest as she tried to rip the anal beads from her hair. Slipping on a puddle of lube like the proverbial banana peel, _That_ is how she ended up here, under a mass of rather curiously sized variations on the human anatomy. _Can they really look like that?…I thought I'd seen it all._

In her haste to try new exciting things and in order to quell her own **urgent** need for gratification, she had been stood staring and bashfully blushing inside the store for at least a good _ten_ minutes prior to the bombardment of robbers kicking their way through the door.

She could've left, slunk outside in her hoodie and jeans and chosen **not** to interfere but she couldn't bare to see innocent civilians getting hurt for simply wanting some type of unique sexual satisfaction.

As always she had stood tall _thankful_ to have chosen to forgo the usual glasses for a pair dark sunglasses and the classic cardigan look for an all black ensemble. Stripping she revealed the crest in all its delightful glory... everything she was truly meant to be, knowing full well that she was invoking a rollercoaster ride of scandal that'd erupt come morning, _it'll probably lead all the way to Timbuktu._

Sighing she crawled her way out of the mass of sex toys, taking refuge on the plush velvet couch as she debated whether to steal the wave-rider and turn back time…either that or make a home in prehistoric history _I've always wanted a pet velociraptor._

No. _She_ _can't_ _leave_ _Alex_. Steeped in trepidation Kara stewed on her morose thoughts as she nibbled on candy lingerie and a tit shaped popsicle… _you can't make this shit up_.

At the smell of coffee Kara looked up, there stood employee of the month _Crystal Mattherson_ holding out a mug with knowing eyes that glinted at her, soaking in admiration. 


	2. Chapter 2

Trying and failing to stop the criminal masterminds from getting away Kara sat sulking, apologising profusely to Crystal.

“I'm so so sorry-RAO I honestly don't know how that even happened”

“It's okay….”

…upon seeing Supergirl's glum face she reassured “Honestly! It was just a few hundred bucks, it's better than somebody's life. The real issue will be the property damage and loss of stock…” gazing to the mountain of destroyed toys... _shame._

Huffing irritated “I really should've thought of that before I hit him with that penis enlarger…though he could probably do with growing a few inches with the way he fought” she sassed.

At that Crystal belly laughed “Ah so someone does have a sense of humour…. admittedly I'm still a bit in awe at how you managed to use nipple clamps to hang one of them upside down….”

Kara snorted nodding “that definitely was one of my finer moments…..”

Glancing at each other laugher bubbled until it took them over, giggling both teary eyed until they started wheezing with joy.

“And I can't believe you used the whip on him! …”

“He threw a ball gag at me!” …. Breaking down, they both choked on air as they recounted moments from the fight. Gripping their sides in happy agony.

Deflating … “ugggh I still can't believe they got away! I mean I've rescued kittens more threatening than them!”

Seeing the pout and puppy dog eyes all over Supergirl's miraculously dewy face Crystal knew that it just wouldn't do. “I'll be right back!” Patting Kara's shoulder Crystal disappeared into one of the isles, gathering up a collection of different items from the piles of stock littered across the shop floor.

Kara watched in curiosity, before grabbing at an arm rest in embarrassment. Her heartbeat crashed through the floor as Crystal made her way back over. Plonking the boxes at their feet Crystal took one look at Supergirl before quipping “Jeez Supergirl… don't be such a pussy…. you came in here for something right?”

Kara twitched _shit shit shit shit shit shit RAO ABOVE!_

Teeth clenched as she chewed on unbreakable fingernails and fidgeted uncomfortably, opening and closing her mouth before stopping every few moments to give Crystal a once over, shaking her head she'd turn back and start all over again teeth nattering against her jaw as she tried her damnest to say .. _something._

Crystal leaned back into the crisp velvet, half intrigued and half uncertain whilst trying to think of ways to calm the very intense and obviously embarrassed alien to the side of her.

“Darling… it's okay” she held a palm to her forearm

Head bopping up, Kara was struck by the look of caring sincerity… taking a deep breath she allowed herself to be lead further inwards on the settee, hobbling over the toys before retreating into the confines of comforting luxurious fabric smack bang next to crystal. Sighing and wrapping her arms around her torso, she quirked her head towards the employee who was waiting patiently for her to speak.

Releasing a breath Kara relaxed and attempted to explain…

“I uh, you were r-right about y’know ….what you said before.” Kara clenched and unclenched her hands moving them onto either knee.

Crystal nodded “Okay…” … “I take it this is your first time in a place like this…”

Biting her lip Kara nodded “yeaaa, I mean my si-friend dragged me into one once but that was a running joke on how long it'd take for a prudish Kryptonian to figure out that they weren't actually back massagers or bath plugs..

...she told me they were tools to prune your garden... _and I don't even think she was being metaphorical."_

"she was being facetious... _clearly_ a double entendre that one sweetie"

_..."Oh"_

_She really is as innocent as she looks..._


	3. Chapter 3

Shuffling into her apartment after a _bizarre_ turn of eventswith a new leopard print hold-all carrying unusual trinkets...  _and a loyalty card_ Kara wasn't sure whether she was nervous or... _yes yes just nervous_. She'd been putting it off for _months_.

Kryptonians had an innate disinterest in physicality _usually_... _more beings of the mind and soul.. so it was fairly odd that just over a year ago_  it suddenly seemed to hit her. Her metaphorical balls dropping and appetite blossoming at 26? _Weird..._

Prior to the influx of admittedly  _excellent_ endorphins she'd never really experienced sexuality the way humans do aka  _all the time._ The odd fluttering _maybe,_ that did it's duty and informed her that she was still a _living, breathing_ humanoid being... but she'd never ever had an impulse to do all the dirty things she's _literally seen and heard_ humans get up too-  _I mean fisting guys... seriously behind the dumpster.. I can see you?!_

Pleasuring herself manually didn't provide much _if any_ stimulation but as soon as Lena Luthor arrived in National City it was like all the stars shifted salaciously into alignment, exposed regularly to the striking CEO in all her mystical green eyed femme fatale excellency..  the change was automatic like a imaginary slap to the face saying 'duh'.

De-aging a decade in under a day she basically turned into that sixteen year old boy jerking one out with a sports sock inside 'grandmas' basement ... Only _her_ voluptuous playboy model was sheer skinned, emerald eyed and a total badass with a weapon.

The volume of orgasms she could pry using the plain of both hands was just  _insaneee,_ but there was little doubt.... s _he needed more._ That and the way Lena looked at her these last few weeks, _ugggh Holy Krypton..._ it was like Kara was something to be doused in BBQ and garnished... _yikes I really would... she can drill me like a Doner Kebab, gag me with an apple and spit on me like a hog rollin' roasting in white hot flames._

 _Rao that's tasty-_ Now it was getting serious, Any time spent in the office together Kara was always on the cusp of doing something stupid. Like tearing her best friends clothes right off, peeling them away from her angular and spectacular shoulders... _but she couldn't..._ she didn't know the first thing about sex... she couldn't control her powers and Lena didn't know... _How do you tell your friend you accidentally singed off their eyebrows with your heat vision? RAO WHAT IF IT HAPPENED TO HER LADY PARTS?!_

Squeaking and shaking the image of her best friends public hair from her mind.. Determined Kara _had_ to get rid of this urge and fast. Nearly ripping the hold-all to shreds Kara zoomed into her bedroom and emptied her load _-pun painfully intended_ onto her firm white mattress _._ Sifting through, she found one that didn't look too far from the real thing... _. something she could understand._

Stealing Triple A batteries from Alex's collection of special agent gadgets and gizmos she proceeded to click the button jumping when the pink mid sized vibrator started to buzz. Enticed she flicked it back off and stripped in the least erotic way possible, hopping into bed...

Thoroughly surrounded and _swallowed_ by a mass of neat throw cushions and puffy duvets, Kara was regretting her penchant for instagraming interior designers when she struggled against wave after wave of fluff and tassels. Enraged she soon threw ninety percent of her bedding at her bedroom window until they hung outside shamelessly like a white flag of sexual surrender or even a gigantic warning as to 'do not disturb'.

Feeling vulnerable and exposed, Kara carefully dimmed her beside lamp and turned on spotify... carelessly shoving the rest of Crystals 'tried and tested wonder package for miss Supes' under her bed, using her heat vision to light a few scented candles, _finally_ satisfied she'd set the mood. 

Inhaling, taking hold of her new lover ... _well here goes..._ _let's do this._


	4. Chapter 4

"Uhh"

"Ooo"

"Right there..."

"Holy moly!"

"Jeepers so h--hhhhottt"

"Rao-bend me over and shake me sideways---aaaaahhhh"

"sooooo-nearlyyyyyy-mmmmm Leeee, you feeel mmmm so sticky and tight uhhhh"

"uh-uh-uhhhhhh I'm comi-" 

_Downstairs..._

Fred and Delphine sat quietly playing backgammon, surrounded by stale cigar smoke, dainty priceless antique figurines and woven blankets they'd knitted together...

Delphine staring at the board "Sounds like Supergirl is having a good time" 

Letting out a non-committal hum Fred rubbed at his moustache before making a move "She must finally have that Luthor girl in bed with her.... took them long enough"

As the creaking and groaning continued... back in her own apartment Kara was trying to survive after having the orgasm of her life....

Back hitting the mattress, a tight hold on the length still inside of her... squelching she pulled it free, quivering bed shaking as it left her folds...

"mmmm" _Crystal you genius._

A minute later Kara's new Super libido wasn't done with her yet... finding her goody bag she sifted through far too excited to try something else... 

Finding a flesh coloured dildo with a suction cup Kara's eyes widened at the possibilities...

Head whipping round she searched for somewhere to stick it... eyes landing on the kitchen counter.. she smirked whizzing to the fridge where she always kept that extra whipped cream for rainy days and ' _grief baking' .._ so so glad she was  _always ready for anything._

_Completely naked_ Kara mounted the counter, can and cock in hand... suctioning it with a ' _pfffwup_ '. Now in place.. she hovered gently over it, in line with her sex... using two fingers Kara scraped up her juices and coated the soft plastic before lowering herself down filling her up nicely. Leaning, knees parted core completely enveloping her imaginary partner... she started grinding forward lightly as she lifted up the can squirting cold cream into her mouth before taking a dollop and pinching her stiff and aching nipples... swirling a finger... flicking teasingly as her bottom half started moving faster... movements surer...

_Back in the apartment below_... 

After finishing their game, Fred was reading the daily newspaper on Supergirls saves as Delphine lifted a freshly made chocolate pecan pie into the oven...

Chuckling every few moments when the floor shook with each one of Kara's thrusts.. they just looked at each other in silent communication.

Six orgasms in and thoroughly spent... Kara lay haplessly on the chilly marble... unable to look at Eliza's Doll salt and pepper shakers she'd been gifted one Christmas without cringing...

Squinting at the two hand carved wooden utensils... googly eyes of judgment penetrating her vagina and soul.. much like everything else... she mumbled "Shut it you" before huffing, yawning and floating into her bedroom too tired to do anything but curl up nudie on a bed with no quilt, flicking on her phone to turn off Spotify and send a quick 'thumbs up' text message to her best buddy Crystal to let her know of her masturbatory accomplishments... and now acceptance into the filthy world of routine human cultural experiences. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly more serious this time round. ;D

The following morning Lena ungraciously made her way up the steep incline to Kara's top floor loft, Elevator supposedly busted for over four months now. A holder containing two coffees and a chocolate milkshake clasped wobbly inside slim fingers _because_   _choices_ and a paper baggie filled with scrumptious delights. Grunting when her heel got caught in a small fracture running along the buildings flooring _this place seriously needs a renovation,_ truly caught between cracks in the tile... far too busy fumbling with her expensive Jimmy choos to look up at the plump older lady standing kindly smiling at her in sweetness...

"Need a hand dear?" Reaching out to help, holding onto her forearm Lena startled knocking the milkshake right over the woman's paisley dress.

"Oh shit _shit_ -I'm so sorry!" Mortified Lena froze, two big round sea green eyes etched and outlined in embarrassment, directly boring into the stain she'd made on this woman's rather humongous chest... _no judgement here... really I like breasts, wait-no not hers I've not got a penchant for the elderly._

Realising the mistake of staring at inappropriate places for too long Lena snapped her head up and apologised profusely "I'll pay for dry cleaning or if you need a new dress, it's not a problem." 

Stranger once recovered from the shock, shook her head and chuckled responding "Nonsense, it's just a little chocolate and cream.. nothing a quick soak won't fix... this dress needed to be thrown in the trash anyhoo, I was thinking of doing a spring clean for charity." 

Lena glanced at her genuinely sending an appreciative look to this caring member of society. 

Pausing to readjust herself, Lena noticed the crockery placed on the corner table of the hallway... heel unhooked and spine lined straighter... finally looking like the CEO everyone knew her to be she nodded to the pot "Baking?" 

Eyes crinkling warmly "for you actually..."

Lenas brow furrowed _she didn't know who the hell this lady was... or how she knew she'd be here_

Spotting the confusion the woman corrected "...or rather for Kara, i'm her Neighbour.. me and my husband Fred we live in the apartment below and we wanted to send you our congratulations because well... _we may have overheard a few things_ _last night.._ and _well not to worry_ we're just happy you've finally realised your love for one another... it's not often feelings like that show themselves and if anyone deserves it, it's our hero after everything she's lost." Those last words were whispered and Lena couldn't make head nor tails of what she was referring too.... _other than confirming some suspicions she'd certainly been denying this whole time..._

Not knowing how precisely to respond, far too engrossed in picking apart every last detail she was told over the last few moments... Lena stood gaping..."Um" _Pull yourself together you sound like Kara._

Laughing the lady patted her shoulder taking Lena's shocked expression as some sort of confirmation of what they'd overheard... cheekily "I'm Delphine by the way... here take the pie in for me, you can say you bought it for her... it's her favourite and don't worry Miss Luthor our lips are sealed."

Walking away, giving her a little teasing push "....Now get in there and give your girl her breakfast before it gets cold... she can't go out on an empty stomach!" Pointing _Delphine_ winked and then she was gone. 

Casually strolling to Number 4A Lena stood staring at the wooden door for at least five minutes.. debating with herself on what to do... _so Kara is Supergirl, Supergirl did something that could be misconstrued as being with me_ _last night... and Delphine knows I love Supergirl... wait....what?! Love?!"_

Lena looked down to the holder and pie, paper baggie now tight under her arm, empty plastic milkshake carton still joined next to two Luke warm beverages... _I can't go in can I? ... can I?_

Unsure of what she would find ... but curiosity getting the better of her Lena realigned the food items until the bag was in her mouth and drinks sat ontop of the lid of the pie... _I mean it's Kara,_ the charming pure innocent wallflower she thoroughly knows and loves... _probably just watched a movie and fell asleep before she could mute the romance_ _... she does that..._ clearly they'd overheard some fictional characters declaring their love for one another... _I mean she's not dating anyone surely? She would've told me._

Knocking to no prevail, Clamping down on that irrational jealousy brewing and turning her body to jello, Lenatwisted the door knob remembering Kara's lack of foresight for proper security... _now though that makes_ _more sense._

Taking a deep breath the door creaked open quietly.... turns out she wasn't quite ready for what she would see on the other side...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If your not British you might not get it... soz.

Brain stalling, eyes jumping... Lena wasn't entirely sure her synapses and neurones were actively firing... She swears she's suffered a psychotic break...because only then would she be reliving the stuff of her wildest _wildest_ Superheroic dreams...

A pale ghostly face and two beady green dots zeroed in on the unconscious form of Supergirl, drool spotting the bed... _and that that would have been fine_... if it wasn't for the fact her little red skirt only grazed her underside... the body part she currently had up and opened wide _without_ underwear.

That's-thats not all...

Lena was quite sure.. though for her to be certain it'd need a thorough inspection...

_...oh lord please let me inspect it..._

That she could see the tail end of a glinting butt plug hanging cheekily from a peachy crack. A succulent, juicy... wet dripping... ripe for the picking peachy crack.

* * *

Three hours earlier...

Kara woke to the tune of _~Britney baby one more time~_ as her iPhone lit up a multitude of colours... checking her texts..

 **Crystal❤️ 5:22am:** _deets girl.. you gotta give me somethin' to work with... I mean I didn't make u the Crystal special for nothing am I right?_

 **Crystal❤️ 5:28am:**   _Your Alien ass IS up correct?... surely.... unless you've pleasantly destroyed it with that jewelled piece I snuck in for u... please tell me u used lube?_

 **Crystal❤️ 5:30am:** ...

 **SG** ✨ **5:31am:** _I am now... why are you texting so Rao forsaken early?! This was meant for emergencies only!_

 **Crystal** _❤️_ **5:32am:** _Emergency smergency -andw_ _hoa someone's cranky... u sure u tried them out? Shouldn't u be y'know flying around n stuff anyways? AND all giggly if I did my job correctly..._

_I've seen the tv one minute your stoic and scary and the next sunshine and puppies... why the glum face my friend?_

**Crystal❤️ 5:33am:** _Did a world ending catastrophe trump my efforts of sexual delight? Did someone die... someone died didn't they?_

 **Crystal❤️ 5:33am:** _Wait... Scratch that I forgot I shouldn't be talking about people dying to an alien that lost her world... I might still be a little drunk.._

 **Crystal❤️ 5:34am:** _Shit ... I just did it again didn't I? FORGET EVERYTHING I JUST SAID._

 **SG✨ 5:35am:** _Wow okmy boss gave me the morning off... you didn't answer my question tho, why are you drunk and not in bed?! Do you need a rescue? ... I'll happily beat up a bad guy or two if they're taking advantage._

 **Crystal❤️ 5:36am:** _I_ _was at a paartay and I am in bed... just not one for sleeping ;) thanks for the protective quality, nice deflection... you didn't answer mine either so... do tell?_

 _Ughhh.._ Kara scowled rubbing her face looking to her phone and her new chatty pal... somewhat reluctant to share. Though she eventually supposed if Crystal was going to betray her trust she already would have, considering the amount of evidence and private information she'd already obtained. 

_Fuck it..._

**SG✨ 5:38am:** _I'm pleasantly sore actually, the suns just not out yet tho... so I'm tired, sorry if I was grumpy before y'know... um haven't tried the plugs... but I really like the one with the suction cup... that was kinda neat so....yea? and you had a good time too by the sounds of it??_

 **Crystal❤️ 5:39am:** _Met a guy... we 69'ed no biggie._

Kara choked on her morning coffee, before she continued reading...

_...oh and yea Big Ben... epiccc choice of a toy! I thought the union flag packaging was clever, I've heard it was modelled after some of Queenie Elizabeth's favourites, we all secretly 'been knew' she got experience... this just proves the brits are stereotypically classy when it comes to dick inside the puss, same as everything else they do._

**SG✨ 5:42am:** _I've met her... tho now I doubt I'll look at her the same again... if you see me bashfully blushing next time on tv it's your fault. My experience in England was limited but definitely not as classy as you might suspect... two guys in cheap tracksuits hit me with kryptonite laced bats calling out 'to me to you...'_

_... and I still don't get why._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if I offend anyone's religious beliefs. I don't mean too.

Kara sat up thrusting her phone down and curling into a stretch as she felt the Ultra Violet rays hitting her creamy sweetly smelling breasts. Chuckling lightly she jokingly pressed two cherries from her nightly baking goodies atop her nipples, reminding her of the fact she hadn't showered and was _still_ her very own ice cream cone.

Sighing popping them into her mouth and humming she sat bare, sipping a warm mocha _best she could do without pumpkin spice on hand..._ groaning as the soreness in her muscles dissipated nicely, licking the juicy tang from her lips and swallowing.

The only noise around came from her sheets flapping against the window pane, in accompaniment to the rhythm of lightning at her core. Thoughts meandering, analysing her evening of self exploration... it was all so _new._ Passion hiking, the zing of light absorption making her fizz with unadulterated intrigue. Squirming on top a kitchen bar stool, wetting the surface, eyes sparkling shooting looks at the open bag containing her spoils, Kara soon zapped herself to the bedroom inquisitively scooping up the plug Crystal had mentioned along the way...

Perching one knee at the end of the bed face tilted as she inspected her prize curiously. Dainty and pretty, something noble and glam, certainly worthy of her title as a lady...

_Now this! THIS was worthy of the Queen of England..._

Grinning, lip tucked between her pearly front teeth she felt courageous. Snaking a hand lower she hissed as a finger came in contact with a hardened nub... making patterns against tender flesh, head extended backwards, Adam's apple bobbing with each throaty exhale. Eyes threaded tightly shut she lost herself to the intricacies of her body... thighs clenching walls closing in until... she stopped.. blinking open and lifting her head up, hair sticking messily to her shoulders. Unfurling her left hand to the emerald that awaited her she gulped nervously shaking. Grabbing what remained of her lube, dolloping it extravagantly spreading it around the rounded tip she leant forward bracing on her hands and knees ass splayed fully parted and waiting. Using a finger she puckered experimentally adjusting herself to the digit, getting used to the feel of something so raw and naughty. Grunting happy to have prepared herself even so slightly, she lined up the plug, moving slowly as it started sliding forward. Tensing chin hitting her clavicle, one set of fingers tearing into the mattress, whilst the other gripped the edge of her toy... the one now hiding inside her anus. Kara bared down and groaned gasping, It felt like her nerve endings were smiling.

Sadly that smile soon turned upside down and into a frown when police sirens frightened her, the beat of an urban jungle rumbling against a Kryptonian eardrum was enough to kill the mood. Contorted, muscles locking Kara tried to remove the playmate only to be frantically searching, fingers loosing the battle like a tug of war on top of a slip n slide.

Currently she found herself at an asshole themed water park without any safety precautions or a life guard ... "MAN DOWN, MAN DOWN"  _was this what it felt like to know how royally fucked you where before reaching rock bottom? I can't believe I'm scraping on for dear life!_

Growling _WHY WONT IT BUDGE.._

Pulling, yanking.... _nothing._

Twisting... _just_   _tighter..._

Scooping _... ooooooo_

Sherbet popsicle! _WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO FEEL SO DAMN GOOD._

Shuddering, she became that enraptured with excavating it like the omen it was, cursing so much it could've been Latin, practically performing her very own exorcism whilst trying to remove this damn demon... she needed some holy oil and fast  _anyone got a priest on speed dial?_

_If her neighbours happened to hear her screaming they'd certainly be wondering why on earth all she was shouting was just... "RAO! BE GONE!"_


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact I had to google Turkey Mating Rituals 'Do turkeys have high sex drives?' says it all... let's wait till my family see that on our internet search history.

Unable to rectify her anal situation easily, Kara was forced to do the _unspeakable_... leave her apartment ass still throughly stuffed like a Christmas turkey. She was starting to think that she was slowly de-evolving into one of those exact critters and  _that'd explain the new sex drive that could rival anything in the animal kingdom_. Waddling around like she was about to _give birth_ legs bobbing ... chin perched forward, jutting and randomly letting out the odd 'gobble gobble' as it shifted inside her sphincter... dread settled low _very low_  as she arrived on scene.

A Police Lieutenant turned towards her "Jolly Morning Supergirl?"

Kara nodded finding it difficult _not_ to purr as she adjusted her skirt dancing so the cameras wouldn't catch a birds eye view into the glinting jewel between her muffin...

... _it's not_ _like she was purposefully trying to attract a mate._

Imagine...

' _Hottest new celebrity trends, buy a diamond for your backside'_

_'Supergirl Vajazzles more than just her front bottom'  because aren't all the newscasters inherently English._

_'Lena Luthor jumps Supergirl, after she ruffles her feathers enticed, lured by a mating call"_

Both turning to the scene... croaking out "a-aany news on what's g-going on?"

The officer looked at her questioningly unsure of her odd mannerisms before schooling his features getting down to business...

Pointing upward... "two cranes collapsed... there's people still trapped inside, we need you to excavate what you can, bring any casualties out so we can provide the necessary treatment."

Pushing herself forward wobbling "S-suree.."

Looking between the floor and the building, then back to the cameras Kara choose the most _discreet_ option... _superspeed._

X-Raying she sped towards the destruction, everything blurring around the edges as she used brute forced to get in. Once inside it was fairly easy to dodge unstable beams by floating upward through the giant hole running through it's collapsed centre. Only two life signs remained a man trapped under the crane and a woman inside a stair well. 

With great haste she rescued both, not bothering with pleasantries... distracted enough from her task by holding her breath ... _last time I coughed in cement dust, my face represented the poo emoji._

_ITS LIKE IM TAKING A DUMP, BUT IT NEVER GOES AWAY._

Task completed, now back on the ground the Lieutenant in question asked "are you sure your okay?"

Internally pained "I'm good... er ha just a little sore this morning... I kinda got my ass handed to me." _Literally._

Noticing his worry "Honestly I'll be fine, I heal quickly." _Yea just_ _as soon as I pry this sucker out... Maybe the fire crews have industrial strength forceps I could use?_

A ding from her boot brought their conversation to a close...

 **Crystal❤️ 7:30am** _Just caught an image of you on my newsfeed.... why do you look constipated?_

 **SG✨ 7:31am**  ...  _THAT'S BECAUSE I AM!!_


	9. Chapter 9

Flying back to her loft Kara was starting to chafe... _you'd think Kryptonian skin could take it but turns out that even alien buttholes have weaknesses.. AND THIS WAS IT! FORGET KRYPTONITE!_

  
Planting down, fidgeting and cupping herself relentlessly this was becoming a nuisance.

  
_A HOT SLICK NUISANCE_. 

  
Having done her Superduties, relived to have the morning off from Catco she made a grab for her lube and came up empty. 

  
_Rao_ _Above!!_  

  
Tutting, wanting to just be done with it already she looked around... 

  
Time for a Plan B...

  
Suddenly a lightbulb appeared.... a realisation of what she could use...  _butter!!_

  
Digging into her baking supplies for a third time lucky she figured with the amount of cookery ingredients she'd used of late she may as well be a Kryptonian fritter.

  
_I'd also make a damn good waffle. Golden tanned sugary Kryptonian goodness_.  _Maybe then Lena would want to eat me... ;) I could always add the Kale™_

  
That thought inquiry inevitably lead to… _Maybe covering my hoo ha with a spinach leaf might also entice her.... if so I'd have done that yearsss ago...  I could be a real life health food smoothie._

  
_Hmmm._

  
Distracted by thoughts of food and sex... she ignored the ping on her kitchen table.

  
Coming to realise later...

  
_ergo too late-_  that it wasn't an annoying, hugely embarrassing text from Crystal but rather Lena herself indicating to Kara her intentions of an early morning breakfast meeting between two besties.... 

  
So... whilst Kara was **still** having the weirdest of thoughts... reflecting on the topic of covering herself up with food to make herself far more attractive in the eyes of the Luthor Health Nut™.

  
She continued into a spiral of sexual wizardry, debating with herself as to whether Lena would prefer to munch from a carrot or a cumber, as it dangled from intimate spaces...

Wondering that if like haddock _she would take the bait.._.. thus cross examining species....

Realising... _that perhaps Lena was a piranha because..._

_...she has that Luthor streak that really turns me on..._

Imagining- _What If I hovered... and she just nibbled....?_

_mhm.. it could be like that spaghetti scene in lady and the tramp..._

_LEADING HER LIPS ALL THE WAY TO MY VAGINA..._ with a carrot. 

Eventually...

**_Thank Rao_**  

Kara cycled onto more appropriately pure thoughts of the pair just spending time together. Reminiscing of their post drunk selfies from that one [multiple times] they'd wound up in bright pink tutus crying over Dora the explorer because _who doesn't._  

They're ‘ ** _close friends’._**

  
Feeling fuzzy the blonde understood  _I_   _really do love her_.

... _and RAO if Lena cries over the catchphrase “¡Lo hicimos!" she can't be that much of a piranha._

... thats when it hit Kara like a superpowered freight train....

 

_... maybe just in bed._

  
Kara S H I V E R E D.

 

The REVELATION.

   
Reluctantly Kara snapped back into the real world deciding  _it wasn't the time._  Now raring and ready to go with her yellow block of grease, she chomped on a few packets of marshmallows cause _fuck it I need the pillowy comfort before this shit._

  
Quick and to the point, too lazy and determined to even strip- she left the suit on, deciding only to rid herself of her tights and underwear, _the suit needs a good spin cycle anyways._  

Taking a delicate finger.... scraping her rim with butter... Kara shuddered.

  
Ass up looking like Donald Duck... she pulled and pulled and pulled... jewels splintering off... until she'd tensed that much she'd given up, gotten tired and fallen asleep... _so much for the 'Super' in Supergirl huh?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've never even seen dora the explorer so god knows if thats right hahah
> 
> This probably don't make sense... my mind is a freakishly odd place sometimes... and this is what my thoughts are like written down... nonsensical hahaha.


	10. Chapter 10

Stood at the door just gaping... Lena let out a curdled noise... The words: **KARA - SUPERGIRL - KARA - SUPERGIRL - BUTTPLUG** ...stuck flashing between two very intrigued green eyes.

Mouth watering... Lena couldn't stop staring at the slickness presenting itself to her. Leaning onto the kitchen counter, gripping a soft and flexible handle attempting to reel her thoughts back into more acceptable realms of proprietary. Steadying her weight- she was finally able to comprehend some of the fact that her best friends private life was less vanilla than she'd realised...

  
Until she zeroed in on her hand as she flexed her lengthy fingers... thinking... _why is there indentation in-_ eyes connecting confused she saw...

 _A PHALLUS_... gasping loudly freaking out, her voice broke through the apartment as Lena removed her hand so quickly from Kara's unusually moist table ornament to only fall backwards flat onto the floor slipping on an open bag of...

_MORE SEX TOYS?!_

_....WHO THE FUCK IS THIS IMPOSTER AND WHAT HAS SHE DONE WITH THE PICTURE OF CHASTITY KARA FUCKIN' DANVERS?!_

Landing with an ' _umph_ -' the brunettes face was covered In leopard print and sexy spandex outfits as sexual objects rolled around like a fun game at an amusement park OR BOWLING.

_AND LENA WAS THE PIN. STRIKE FOR SUPERGIRL_

That wasn't all... during this kerfuffle Kara had woken up from her errand ' _zzzzzeees_ ' eyes breaking open like a Guinness world record... yelping she fell backwards too, her own body falling until she landed flat onto her buttplug.

_OUCH_

Gripping two cherry cheeks Kara squirmed on the floor as Lena ran over attempting to quell her obvious pain... hovering over Kara unsure as to whether she should go lower... that was quashed as soon as she heard "Lee HELP!"

Gritting her teeth mask now thoroughly on... Lena nodded kneeling down... announcing "Kara you need to stay still I need to take a look."

Lip trembling Kara hesitated.. eyes welling with shame as the mortification became abundantly clear... "I leee I-"

Interrupting "It's ok sweetheart..." chuckling reverently "I've seen an asshole before... even Luthors have them!"

That lightened the mood as Kara sniffled laughing a little until she bit her lip wincing and nodded.

Moving around to the situation in question.... Lena had to gulp back a moan as she saw Kara's pussy and anus firsthand in all of its fine glory.. _LORRD HAVE MERCY._

Luthor Fingers twitching... ears catching Kara's muffled "I couldn't get it outtt... It's stuck."

Lena tried her best not to smile at Kara's huffy attitude "Hold still"

_Ten minutes later..._

"Aaaaaa"

"Ow ow ow a ow"

"Eeeee arrrr YEHEH HA- ahaaaa"

Lena was now growling as Kara's eyes accidentally started rolling into the back of her head in pleasure "Stop tensing and stay the fuck still!!!"

The Kryptonian whining "I caaaan't your pulling an object out of my anus and it hu-uurrrts!!!!"

At that Lena was panting so much she'd had enough... moving into the blondes orbit Lena did the only thing she new HOW and kissed Kara like the piraña deep inside needed to get out.

Squeaking Kara let out a surprised ' _yeep_ ' until she eventually relaxed into the kiss using more tongue than she knew she was good for...

Groaning lips swirling Lena gave Kara pretend CPR until she was relaxed and distracted enough to pop that plug right out without a peep from Supergirl.

 _'Thuwp_ ' holding it up... Brow casually arching... Kara chirped out multiple things at once...

"Hey! You did it!!"

"HOWW?!"

"THATS SO HOTT!"

Lena just grinned, Didn't she tell ya? _A Luthor got skillz._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if your wondering Kara has forgotten she's still wearing the suit. ;)


	11. Chapter 11

Sat on the floor in silence it was that awkward ya'll could hear those crickets chirping...  _in the middle of the day._

It wasn't until Lena announced "Ah sorry sorry... thats Jess calling." And she pulled out her flip phone did it hit Kara smack bang' in the chiselled mouth just how much of a science nerd Lena was...  _who TF has nature sounds as a ringtone really? WHERE IS THE NSYNC?_

Mind bouncing up and down like a yo-yo- at Lena's oddball attitude... _she's a tech genius who still uses a shitty phone.... how is that for peculiarities?_

 _I mean._.. it reminds me of something out of a 2004 mean girls movie....  _I BET IT STILL HAS SNAKE._

The youngest Luthor was eccentric for sure... a _nd only a genius like her could pull that off...._

She could hack more shit with that phone than the whole of the NSA... GCHQ and highest Kryptonian minds with the best tech combined. 

_I reckon she'd even beat the brainiac clans... lets be honest indigo was a bit of a doofus._

Anxious and still embarrassed it was taking all of Kara's Kryptonian will power not to zoom to the nearest cave AND STAY THERE.  

Chit chatting idly with Jess- Lena kept on glancing over to the dorky blonde who'd shoved a pillow of Emilia Clarkes face between her thighs undoubtably to cover her modesty...  _at least I know why Kara's so enamoured with the houses on game of thrones...  now that I think of it- it must remind her of Krypton._

Finishing up... switching it off Lena sighed and strolled back over offering a hand in peace.... grappling upward... Kara's face was darting to every sexual fuckin' flounder and to all of the objects that'd left the safety of her holdall and had clearly rolled around the age old wood enough to have been viewed by her best friends inscrutable green eyes. 

Landing on... An _Inflatable man doll..._ _I swear that wasn't there before... I'm GOING TO KILL CRYSTAL._

Thoughts off on a tangent....  _That doesn't even make sense... i'd pop it before i'd even get the chance to cum!_

Lena mewled as she spotted where the blue hues had gotten too  _AN INFLATABLE?_   ... _I really didn't think she was this insatiable... !!!_

Kara's brows went from furrowed to higher than the sky as she heard Lee's strange noises.  

Face burning hotter than the centre of a nuclear reaction.... she mumbled not quite looking squarely at the luthor, giving up "That's not- uh that's not mine"

Ears smoking.... It was then the brunette noticed the vulnerable direction Kara's thoughts were headed and pulled her out of that loop of scandal and humiliation. Announcing... "Kara... why don't you get changed whilst I wash my hands and make us some coffee."

Out of nowhere... the golden puppy squeaked "pop tarts..."

Lena's brows furrowed.... eyes disassembling each subtle twitch of Kara's immaculate composure.... until she caught the shy grumbling "Could you make us pop tarts... everything is better with pop tarts..."

Letting out a humongous laugh Lena responded "Sure... why not, I'll assume they're in one of the cupboards...?" 

Nodding Kara blankly strolled into her bedroom... Pillow still wrapped around her lower half... 

_....I  think she's still in shock._

Turning back to the messy room- Lena's head was shaking as she stealthily pushed each strap on and items  _for every orifice_ over to one side... Hoping that her best friend would _pull herself together sometime soon... so they had the opportunity to really talk this out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking this will have around 14/15 chapters so we're nearly there... let me know if you'd want me to continue after.... i'm sure i could still whip up something to make you laugh.... this is the kind of universe that can lead anywhere- it's my sexual oyster so.... i'll leave it up to you guys to decide first and foremost. ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for Reading! 
> 
> \----> Twitter: [ @SarahRAWWR15 ](https://twitter.com/SarahRAWWR15)
> 
> Tumblr : [ sarahzorel ](http://sarahzorel.tumblr.com/)


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